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The Power of Letting Go

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The Power of Letting Go

“Resistance to what keeps us from experiencing the love and miracles that are present in every moment.” – Joy Kingsborough

In life there are many things that we do not understand; yet, we crave understanding and meaning. It is the nature of our mind to want to know how it all fits together. When events, or people or circumstances aren’t clearly understood we often feel resistance. We resist what is.


When we are holding on to a job, a career, a friendship, a relationship, a belief system, or emotions of grief and loss, we are creating resistance. Resistance to what is keeps us from experiencing the love and miracles that are present in every moment. We give meaning to the confusion and we experience suffering. The more we resist what is happening, the more we hold on and feel stuck. We may try to control or suppress our suffering by “thinking positive” and ignoring the feelings we have. This only leads to more suffering.

Beginnings and Endings

17 years ago I became engaged. It was one of the best days of my life. My boyfriend Terry showed up at work to take me to lunch spontaneously. Before we left, he pulled out a small box. He opened it and pulled out a ring. In front of everyone in my office he asked me to marry him. It was a Thursday…I remember because we went home and watched Friends that night and snuggled on the couch. We would joke that we were like Ross and Rachel and were destined to be together. My world felt blissful and exciting. I felt in that moment that all of my dreams were coming true.

A few months later my dreams would come to an abrupt ending. I received a call at 5:00 AM from my fiance’s phone number but it was not my fiancé on the other end of the call. It was his mother and I knew in an instance what had occurred. The man I loved had died. The shock I felt was unimaginable and my grief was immense.

Terry’s death was not sudden or unexpected to anyone else but me. He had been sick with cancer throughout his body since the first day we met. He had told me that this day would come and I ignored him. I believed that if I loved him enough God would spare him. God would grant us a miracle.

How many times in my life had I bargained with God for miracles? More than I could remember. I couldn’t love Terry enough, I couldn’t be enough, I couldn’t be good enough to save him. He didn’t need to be saved.

Sometimes miracles look like sudden healing, or grand events. But most miracles are subtle and have a ripple effect that cannot been seen all at once with a single glance. This was the type of miracle I experienced as a result of loving Terry and sharing our short time together.

Holding On

The signs were all there. I knew he was dying. I refused to let go. He called me a week before his death and left a beautiful voicemail message on my home phone. He poured his heart out to me. He knew.

Two weeks before his death he emptied our bank account, sending every last dime to a little girl with cancer that he saw on television. He told me that she needed it more than we did. He said that he knew she would recover and needed the money. He told me that I would be okay and could make more. He was right.

Letting Go

The days after his death I listened to his voicemail message over and over. I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to remember his face, his smile, his sound. In God’s infinite wisdom, it was clear that I was not moving forward, I was not healing and I was not seeing the miracles that were happening in my life. So, one day when playing back the recording I hit “7” instead of “9” and lost the message forever.

That is when life changed for me. Within 2 years I met and married the next love of my life, David and we had a son together. A son that would not have been here…a life I would not have had.

In the years since Terry’s death, my life has opened in ways that blow my mind! I have learned to love myself and have encouraged others to do the same. I have loved others the way Terry loved the world. He saw each and every one of us as beautiful and full of love. Even when he didn’t like someone’s behavior he loved them silently and he let any anger go. He inspired me to choose love over anger or fear.

Love Is All That Is

As I reflect on my time with Terry, now almost 18 years ago, I hear his last words to me. “Joy, my life is complete because I have loved and been loved. No one loved me the way you did and now I know I can leave.” He was telling me, what I have come to discover years later, that in the end, love is the only thing that matters. Love is the only thing that is real. Love IS the miracle and we can choose to see what is before us or we can hold on to what we are afraid to let go of. One is the path of suffering and the other is the path of miracles.

Don’t be afraid to let go. Whether it is attachment to our grief, the loss of a job, the ending of a marriage, a habit, a friend, a belief system…Letting go of what is ending in our lives allows us to let more love in. We may not see it in the moment, but trust that the opportunity to love more deeply or experience life more fully is being born through this loss.

With much love and adoration for all that you are,

Joy

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Joy Kingsborough is passionate about helping entrepreneurs live a wildly successful life! She helps her clients attain inner peace and mental mastery through business coaching and personal development programs. Contact Joy for more information on how to start your journey and increase your momentum!